Step Back

I have a great friend at work... she helps keep me square on the ground and helps me think things through.

So of course I have been talking to her a little about all this ugly... without getting into a lot of details, but talking nonetheless. She knows very much how I try to fix me when I'm broken. I want the answers and hate things in limbo... and that's where I am on some of this ugly place I'm in... too much in limbo which is driving my butt crazy.

So what does she tell me today... just step back. Hmm... just step back... but doesn't that encourage limbo??? That's what driving me crazy. But as she is talking and explaining step back (it should be obvious, but it just isn't right now), God says in my ear that she's DEAD ON!!! I need to let go. I have grasped SO DAMN TIGHT because I'm afraid of losing... but because I've done that, I can't see answers, I can't rest, I can't leave this place and find light and beauty again. I am fighting to return to the ways things were, but am only fighting myself because my grasp is so tight because of that fear of losing.

Now the hard part... actually stepping back. It's so hard...God I feel so helpless and weak right now... I can't even just step back. I'm normally so good at this... God, I need you... help... please