Let It Go

This probably sounds a lot like Step Back and they are a similar message and they're both from God. Sometimes I'm just thick-headed. But I also wanted to write this one because after a long weekend of battling myself (real smart Jeff), wrestling with God (again... bright... really I am much brighter than that) and talking with my amazing wife... I am lighter and in a much better place.
Thank you to all the people that rallied behind me... and are walking beside me. I need to remember that I have been blessed with amazing people that will lift me up when I need to be and so I need to STOP holding on to things so freakin' tight and let go... thus what I wanted to say here.
What I'm about to say came to me as I sat at church yesterday... no pastor speaking... no prayer going on... just me... sitting.

I heard Him ask if God... if He was all I needed?
I had to be honest...I said NO, but tried to give my Christian Diclaimer of "But I want to", but only got out "But I want..." and I was stopped. He told me not to talk that Christian Jargon with Him... but be honest... so I said NO and left it.

I began to think of the other things I "needed" and every thought in my head was followed by Him saying that He's the one that provided those things. Mostly people came to my mind, and some things/situations, but He said that HE provided the people that I love and need. He provided all other things.

So who am I to grasp things and people so tightly that I don't let go?

So God really is all I need... but in order to really understand that (let alone do it) I have to LET IT GO... It = EVERYTHING that isn't HIM... and I don't mean this is the "let go of the sin brother" (said with southern drawl) kind of way... but I'm talking EVERYTHING. Situations that come up aren't as hard to let go of as the people in my life. But I have to let go of EVERYTHING.

Everything... wow... I don't know what that looks like... I don't know how to do that... I don't have a clue. This is always been so hard for me... God made me a very strong person with very broad shoulders... and so I've always just held on to everything... people and situations... especially people! But I have to let go... even the strongest will collapse under too much. And when I collapse, I not only crumble but I hurt my wife and my little girl... maybe she doesn't know it but because of the toll it takes on me, she knows her daddy isn't doing well... and I snap at her. I also hurt others around me.
I guess I have my own long road to walk. I'm not fooled in that it may not be a too long of a walk to get me righted and to let go of what I'm feeling right now... although it's not easy either... but this is going to be an ongoing walk. This is a road I will always be one because it's life. It's my life... will I choose to grasp ahold of things again or will I choose to let them go. Especially people...

So... I guess I'm looking for some good walking buddies... not necessarily to do anything but remind me to let it go. When situations arise or there are people that I am holding too tightly... to lovingly and firmly remind me to let it go. And I always like good walking company.

And so now... I let it go. The situations in my life right now that I have NO way of controling... I let it go. God I give it to you. The people in my life that mean so much... To you... I'm so sorry... I have grasped too tightly and have pushed and maybe suffocated. I truely am sorry and I let you go. Not that I push you away... but I let go of the emotional ties that cause me to grasp onto something I have no control over... nor should I have control over. I hope you can forgive and will continue to live life with me... continue to walk with me... and let me walk with you.

I'm letting go... finally. It is a tough road and it will be one that I will walk all my life... but I know I can do it... and the benefits of keeping things in the corerct perspective and not grasping so tighly will be amazing.

Jeff... let it go